So, we are down to 6 days. Brianna is starting to get worried about the surgery. She is mainly concerned with the IV. She doesn't like needles. She keeps asking me what she will hear afterwards. I tell her that she won't hear anything anymore, but she still asks. I wonder if she really understands that. She asks if she will hear herself talking. She wants to know if she will hear me, or her teacher. I just don't know how else to explain it to her.
Now that we are almost there, I am scared. I don't know if I should admit that or not, I don't want to upset anyone else. All the "what-ifs" are going through my mind. And of course they aren't the good what-ifs. Will this work? Will she even wake up? Will her face be paralyzed? What am I doing to her? Will she be disfigured? Will she resent me for this decision? I can barely talk about the surgery without thinking about these things. I don't really know why I am feeling these things now. I have been so excited for Brianna. Now, the excitement is gone, and it's just fear for her. I just don't know what to do with all these emotions right now.
On another note, Brianna's school called today. I guess some of the staff there wanted to do something for her and our family. So they are holding a dress down day in honor of Brianna. All the money they will raise for it will buy a grocery store gift card. That will be a huge help. It's amazing how much all this is costing us. I am so grateful for their caring and generosity. It's just amazing that people that you don't even know, can care about what you are going through.
I guess it's times like these when you really see that people care. Even strangers. I wonder if Brianna knows how much people love her and care about her. I can't wait to tell her how much I love her and have her really hear me. It's been so long since she has really heard anything. I really hope that day comes for her. (And for me). What I wouldn't give to just let her hear. I would give anything of myself to make her able to hear again.